Taking a different turn on the blog today. . .
Not about pirates or dragons or fantasy adventures today.
Well. . . maybe today it's about a fantasy adventure that became real.
Now that it’s officially announced and it’s starting to feel a bit more real, I’m sitting down to write about how I really feel. . .
I’ll be Artistic Director of Elevate Dance next season.
I’ve said that I firmly believe my fellow mom and newfound best friend Hannah needed to be in that role for the past two years. She had all the right makings to lead Elevate to where it is today, and to set it up to where I can keep it going. And though I’m going to miss doing this with her like hell, I can’t wait to see where her next chapter takes her. I am so happy for her.
But I look back and think of that question you always get asked as a kid: “what do you want to be when you grow up?”
I started dancing when I was five years old, but I always accredit “Mr. Blue Sky” to being the time and place when I figured out that I knew I wanted dance to be my life. It was my tap solo when I was twelve years old, c. 2004, and I still can’t totally explain it, but it was everything about that solo that made it all make sense to me. Dance was my thing, and “Mr. Blue Sky” helped me figure that out. When I was that age, as a competitive dancer I knew I was never the best dancer in the room, I’d never take top slots in overalls at competitions, I’d always be in the ballet level lower than everyone else my age, I’d never have a lead in any dances, and though I may have always been a strong tapper and by high school was placed in advanced tap dances to compete, I never really was a “strong” dancer in any other style, despite how much I trained and cared about every style.
As I got older and danced through college I had similar strife and a hundred doors slammed in my face, constant subtle hints and reminders that I didn’t belong or wasn’t good enough, and was always uncertain of exactly which path of dance I could even take. I didn’t make a lot of auditions through college, and my choreography was pulled from my senior show. But, I can’t totally complain because I did graduate with honors, so my work did show in some shape and form.
Out of college I did the traveling around the country, went to auditions, went to intensives and workshops, followed my favorite tappers all over the place, tried to get out there. But it was another hundred doors closed and a million “nos”. It wasn’t until I Googled “places to tap in Chicago” that I showed up to a Chicago Tap Theatre class, ended up in one of their shows as a one-time guest, and then was invited to audition for JorsTAP Chicago. JorsTAP was my first professional “yes” that was permanent, and established me as someone.
I am forever going to love Kendra and the JorsTAP ladies for that. I will always be the first one at Kendra’s doorstep whenever she asks for dancers for a gig.
And through everything, ever since “Mr. Blue Sky”, through all the nos and doors closed, none of the strife mattered.
Dance was never about any of that.
I cared about dance so much I didn’t really care about any of the other strife that came along with it. I just loved how it made me feel, I always have. But I’ll admit there were times I kept pushing forward just out of spite, to prove everyone wrong, I worked too hard and too long as a dancer to just let it all drop. I am proud to say that not once in my life did I ever consider quitting dance, but there were plenty of times when I wondered if any of it was ever going to amount to anything.
I started assisting dance classes when I was eleven, and took over my own classes to teach when I was I think fifteen (I think it was my sophomore year of high school?). So teaching was always a constant for me. It was always the dance thing that I could go to. There was a point in my life when I was teaching at five different dance studios at the same time. It was a way to keep myself in dance, and well, keep me paid.
And as the years have gone by and I’ve gotten older and can now understand myself better, I feel like teaching is really the thing I’m meant to do. But for the longest time I figured I’d only ever be good enough to just teach, to never get the opportunity to choreograph and set pieces on dancers. I also figured I’d probably only teach beginner or intermediate levels.
Guess I can say I’ve come a long way.
I got the chance to grow alongside the dancers of Elevate Dance, and the dancers of Dance Academy of Libertyville. I am so thankful that my bosses, coworkers, but most importantly the dancers (and their parents) have trusted me. I only hope I can continue to do right by all of them. I can’t thank Lisa of Elevate or Emily of DAL enough for letting me do what I get to do at their studios.
I go back to the question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?”
When I got asked that as a kid my stock answer was “I want to own and run a dance studio.” But it wasn’t necessarily about such a basic statement.
The real answer was that I wanted to be like my teacher, who was the owner and artistic director. The teacher that gave me “Mr. Blue Sky”. Despite everything, I always looked up to her when I was a kid. I wanted to be her.
And though I always try my best to give proper dues to where my training comes from and who shaped me to be the dancer, teacher, and choreographer that I am today (my sis Dani is very much the same way), I think I really needed the distance from most of my dance past for me to figure out who I am. I respect where I come from, but I’ve realized I had to get away to know that I have a chance to be what I always wanted to be.
I think it’s okay for me to say that at the time when Hannah and I started at Elevate Dance the kids were ROUGH. Their training was rough and they had a lot of bad habits in technique and movement quality that we had to break out of them. And then covid hit right when Elevate was trying to find its bearings. But, I say it all the time and will continue to say it: it is INCREDIBLE how much every single dancer has grown in such a short amount of time, and even through a freaking pandemic. Now we’ve got dancers competing at the highest levels and against some of the toughest talent in the country (Chicagoland talent is insane, as many of us dancers know), and Elevate dancers continuously hold their own. We have even more up-and-coming dancers putting in the work to get to that point, too. Work ethic has been astounding.
Elevate Dance came to me at a time when I really needed it. I got the chance to grow as a professional and as an overall human being alongside the dancers and the studio itself. I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am for the place and its people. I also think it is exactly what my sister needed, too. She’s a menace and a butthead, and I think Elevate helped her at a time when she really needed it, too. That sort of gratitude I feel is something I know I’ll never be able to properly express because it goes so very deep.
Anyway, as writing is my second passion, I always tend to spit out more words than I mean to. But I think I needed to get all of this out.
What my long-winded essay was getting to is that Artistic Director is quite literally my dream job. I feel like I’m living up to the “what I want to be when I grow up”.
I’ll also give the disclaimer that Dance Academy of Libertyville has its own special place in my heart, too. I’ll be going into my 9th season at the studio in the fall (I’m not leaving DAL– I’m not going anywhere!). It’s certainly been a constant in my life for a long time, and I am beyond grateful for it. I love all my coworkers too much and I’ve gotten way too invested in the journeys of all the amazing dancers (but mostly the tappers) to be going anywhere.
I know I’ve got a lot to learn, and it’ll be a rollercoaster, but I’m very much looking forward to all of it.
Here's some dance memories from before Elevate Dance that led me to where I am today. . .
May no seas fare smooth.
—Andi May
Comments